''Almost Fired'' by Robert E. Rogoff

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ALMOST FIRED

by Robert E. Rogoff

Dr. Hsu raised his Chimericon-logoed coffee mug to his lips and pulled the next requisition slip out of his ''In Basket.'' He scanned the paperform, reading the childlike ink-scrawl he had learned to attach to Heather Leander's young face. Mainly more petrie dishes and other run of the mill bioresearch trifles. Fine, he thought, picking up his pen to sign off on the requisition.

But just as he was about to flourish his administrator's large John Hancock in the proper space, he noticed, buried among a long list of amino acids, the phrase ''One (1) Schmidtbrock Heavy-duty Flame Thrower.''

Dr. Hsu spit a spray of coffee all over his cubicle.

Banging the ceramic mug down so hard the cup cracked and liquid began to pool across the open expanse of the desktop, he straightened his tie, brushed his mop of black hair off his forehead, and sprang from his chair.

Hsu marched through the corridor, percolating with rage. He practically ripped the Research and Development Lab door right off its hinges as he strode up to Heather Leander and planted himself before her.

The petite, labcoated woman pushed her hornrimmed glasses up her nose and asked: ''What?''

''Doctor Leander, your requisition for a flamethrower is quite disturbing, to say the least. We're a biotech outfit, not a mercenary outfit. Please explain yourself, or else you'll be bioengineering artificial lifeforms elsewhere. Are we clear?''

Heather Leander sighed. ''Okay, Doctor Hsu. Come with me.''

She walked Hsu over to a restricted area, and keyed them into a security room.

Hsu saw the reptilian creature raise its large head, flicking a tongue out at him as if in mockery. Hsu looked questioningly at Leander. ''Is this your so-called dragon I've heard about?''

''Yes. There's just one problem.'' She picked up a blowtorch that had been sitting in a corner of the room and sparked it alight. ''Watch.'' Leander went up to the creature and pointed the blowtorch toward it. She blasted a lick of flame toward the creature's head, and it let out a screaling yelp, bolting up away to cower in a corner.

Dr. Hsu was puzzled for a jot, then suddenly he understood. ''Doctor Leander, I have something to tell you that might make this experiment slightly more cost-effective.''

''What's that, Doctor Hsu?''

''Heather, dragons are supposed to breathe fire out, not in.''

This story originally appeared in Galaxy. The version appearing on this web site is the official, author-approved one.

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